The B-Words
Something has been eating away at me lately. I won’t even say lately, because it has probably been there my entire life in different aspects and quantity. To be honest, it all revolves around words. Words that have been directed at me. Words I’ve heard directed at women I know to have similar personalities to me. Words that are used to describe who I would consider strong, confident women. Words that never seem to be said with a positive tone.
Bossy
Opinionated
Outspoken
Know It All
Emotional
Bitch
Most likely we have all had one of these words thrown at us at one time or another. Sheryl Sandberg has started a landslide with people being for or against banning the word bossy. It caused a ripple effect of discussion as to whether we should ban the word that in effect minimizes strength in females or whether we should own the word taking strength from it (check out the battle between #banbossy vs #bebossy). I can say for me, throughout my professional career and even on the personal side of things, I’ve been called every negative connotation possible of being strong and passionate. Honestly, some of those negative connotations have come from mentors I look up to that didn’t fully realize they were telling me to be less of myself. To show weakness in order to be liked, to be vulnerable in order to get more people to be on my side. While I definitely feel there is a time for weakness and vulnerability because those qualities in themselves have the power to show inner strength, I personally feel my best and do my best work when I am my strong, confident and capable self. Just because I have allowed someone to get to know me well enough to understand my weaknesses and vulnerabilities, does not give them the right to tell me I should expose such a personal side of myself just so I can get a few more dates or a couple more smiles around the office. If I wanted to be that person, I would be that person. It has taken a long while for me to comfortable with myself and now that I am, I think I’ll stick with who I am. So I say this with due respect to the men and women around me who strongly support these words being removed from our everyday language and also to my mentors who have and continue to provide me feedback about how I can best succeed in life. If you want to call me those words, go for it. Hell, I’ll call myself them. In fact, I’ll even take pride in the fact that I am a strong, confident woman. So confident in my abilities that people in this life feel the need to try to bring me down a peg by using words. Letters thrown together to make up nonsense that does not define who I am or who I will be. You want to call me those words, go for it. Say it to my face. Say it plainly and don’t try to disguise it as “feedback”, “things to keep in mind”, “ways you can get people to like you more” or “things other girls know how to do”. Don’t tell me I’m not a “normal girl” or that I have not “found my voice”. I’m not normal, I’m extraordinary. I don’t need to find my voice, but you may need to start listening to it. Just because I and other strong women that I hold in such high regard don’t fit your or anyone’s ideal of the perfect woman, personally or professionally, does not mean we are any less of a woman or any less perfect. For all you women reading this that may feel the pressure some days to sway away from who you are or who you feel confident in being, I leave you with this quote from the short lived show Political Animals delivered by Sigourney Weaver‘s character Elaine Barrish:“Most of life is hell. It’s filled with failure and loss. People disappoint you. Dreams don’t work out. Hearts get broken. Innocent journalists die. And the best moments of life, when everything comes together, are few and fleeting. But, you will never get to the next great moment if you don’t keep going. So, that’s what I do. I keep going.”
And for those looking for a shorter to the point quote, here’s one from right before that excerpt:“After all never call a bitch, a bitch. Us bitches hate that”