As human beings we crave to be around other human beings. We want attention, we want satisfaction and we definitely don’t want rejection. Throughout our society we have tons of frameworks built in so that we can be together. Families, marriage, schools, towns, roommates, even when we are alone sitting at our computer screens we’ve created technology so that we can connect with others. We need relationships, not just romantic, to survive and be challenged in our everyday lives.
Relationships, can flat out suck. No matter how good you are at communicating in one type, you can get side swiped in another. Love your parents? Might be not be so easy to make friends. Amazing with work communications? How’s that love life going? Every different interaction brings with it new nuances and challenges. Because at the end of the day, we’re all our own people with different needs and desires. It’s frustrating, challenging, exhilarating and most of us wouldn’t dream of going without those experiences.
The thing that gets me is that as intelligent people in a fairly advanced society, we can’t grow and accept the fact that other people communicate and need different things out of relationships. I’m totally guilty of not understanding someone’s perspective or thinking they should join mine. So when I catch myself in a relationship pushing my own way I try, sometimes successfully, to understand the other side. Though I also catch myself wondering if the other person is doing the same or if I’m contributing to the lack of fulfillment of my own needs.
What’s my side? What can you except in any form of relationship from me? In my work life, I’m very logistical and try to do things because they make business sense, but I also need to be passionate about what I’m doing so that at the end of the day I feel accomplished. In my personal life, screw logistics. I wouldn’t be surprised if people accused me as being selfish because based on my life experiences I’ve learned that I need to throw 120% of my passion in to everything. Call me crazy, call me a drama queen, tell me I move too fast, love too hard and break too easy. But in my view, when I’m 90 years old causing trouble in a nursing home, at least you can’t say I didn’t try.
I know from experience my view can be very contrary to others. So do you think we can learn to not just understand other people’s view points but what they need out of a relationship in order to make sure that the experiences we share are beneficial to all? Or is that just the point of relationships, that nothing is perfect and we’re all bound to disagree? Or maybe, we are all just participating in these communal society groups so that we can find the people who think like us?
I don’t have the answer, but I do know that today this song captures exactly how I feel about all forms of relationships. 🙂